Hoover Dog

Posted: October 18, 2013 in The Marshall Chronicles
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Seems to me the only animal life we got round these parts with any sense of cleanliness or goodliness be my dog, Sabretooth. My social worker say he a calmin’ influence. Even so, he hates them bedbugs with a bitterness, and he always helpin’ Mum with her cleanin’, with a enthusiasm that ain’t always to be recommended. Read this, you see what I’m gettin’ at, yeah?

Hoover Dog

My Mum’s obsessed with cleanliness, exterminating dirt.
If you eatin’ bread or biscuits, she’s always on alert.
But if crumbs fall on the carpet, without a millisecond’s pause,
my dog’s there to assist her, with his litter-pickin’ jaws.
If you eatin’ crisps and drop one, he’s on it with one bound –
my dog Sabretooth – what a Hoover of a hound.

He’s like a street cleaner, collectin’ litter with a stick,
but instead of spikin’ chicken wrap, he slurp it with one lick.
He’ll nibble every napkin, stick his snout in every tin.
My dog so conscientious, he’ll even clean the bin.
He smashed the competition for The Cleanest Dog in Town –
my dog Sabretooth – what a Hoover of a hound.

Obsessively, compulsively, he’ll suck up every crumb.
I seen him snaffle birdseed, I seen him chewin’ gum.
I seen him eat up cat sick, the hottest vindaloo.
Once he wolfed a bar of soap and did not even chew.
He love to keep his belly full with his sniffer to the ground –
my dog Sabretooth – what a Hoover of a hound.

But such a neat and tidy dog’s less hygienic than you’d think,
cos when grub’s too tough to stomach, it make an evil stink.
It deadly to get wind of it, it better left unshared,
cos when Sabretooth’s got flatulence, not one of us is spared.
It’s not for what he Hoovers up that Sabretooth’s renowned,
but what he blows out of his bottom – what a tooter of a hound.

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